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robinhoodnik
06-26-2007, 03:22 PM
HEADLINES FROM YEAR: 2029


Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.


Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.


Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstat e heterosexual marriage.


Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq , Afghanistan , Syria and Lebanon ).


Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.


France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica


Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.


George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.



Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.


85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.


Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.


Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.


Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.


New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.


Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

ohms_law
06-26-2007, 03:44 PM
rotfl

RickD
06-26-2007, 06:37 PM
OKAY. Some of that is funny but some of it could be very offensive.

OldFatGuy
06-26-2007, 08:01 PM
You forgot one,

"Roger Clemens signs with the Red Sox, says he wants to finish his career where he started." :D

robinhoodnik
06-27-2007, 08:50 PM
OKAY. Some of that is funny but some of it could be very offensive.

I got it in an e-mail from a friend, posted it verbatim. I'm not going to bother censoring anything. If someone is offended by any of that, they're probably looking to be offended. They can always post a counter to it as well.

robinhoodnik
06-27-2007, 08:52 PM
You forgot one,

"Roger Clemens signs with the Red Sox, says he wants to finish his career where he started." :D

Barry Bonds hits 756! :D (I can only hope)

ohms_law
06-27-2007, 08:55 PM
Some of it could be offensive sure, but it's humor. Offensive statements in humor are actually good because it allows (most of) us to examine ourselves and our culture without risking some sort of crises... That's why guys like Andrew "Dice" Clay, George Carlin, etc... were ever able to be successful.

Red Sox Fan 734
06-27-2007, 09:14 PM
Lol!

Geoffy
06-28-2007, 01:00 AM
This reminds of that scene in Back To The Future 2 where Marty finds out that the Cubs won the World Series over Miami. I guess that doesn't really work out since they are both in the NL (assuming Florida is Miami).

robinhoodnik
06-29-2007, 01:57 AM
Some of it could be offensive sure, but it's humor. Offensive statements in humor are actually good because it allows (most of) us to examine ourselves and our culture without risking some sort of crises... That's why guys like Andrew "Dice" Clay, George Carlin, etc... were ever able to be successful.

Four words: Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy.

Geoffy
06-30-2007, 03:12 AM
Four words: Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy.

Let us not forget Chris Rock. I think Eddie Murphy's career went downhill in the 90s and beyond. His previous stuff is golden.

robinhoodnik
06-30-2007, 09:12 AM
Eddie was great until he got into some bad movies, bad fights, and bad singing.

robinhoodnik
06-30-2007, 09:15 AM
Agree on Rock though. He's one of my favorite performers. Sam Kinnison, one funny man. 1960's Bill Cosby stuff was great too, and without any swearing, he was hilarious.