RedsoxRockies
07-24-2008, 02:44 PM
http://www.v8dmc.com/rabidelves.asp
Rabid Elves Kill Elderly Woman
February 5, 2002
Amrah Myers, 82 year old resident of Irmo South Carolina, was mauled yesterday afternoon. Police have placed the blame on an animated pack of elves known as Keebler. Keebler elf attacks are not very uncommon in the quiet town of Irmo, but an actual death resulting from such an attack is rare. "We've noticed that the little bastards are beginning to hunt in packs and thats not good news.", says Irmo Police Chief Joe Bullnobby, "It only takes 12 to 15 or so to be able to bring a regular sized man down to eye level with them, once you're there you probably won't be getting back up." When pressed for further questions, Bullnobby only responded "no comment".
To recap what we have learned so far about the marauding gang of Keebler elves, we interviewed local Keebler expert Greg Jibson. Jibson says, "While at first glance a typical Keebler elf may seem docile, even friendly, a person must take caution against the animated critters. The problem is, most all of the elves just like to make cookies. They tend to bake them inside trees and while that is not immediately dangerous, it does strain the local ecosystem and forces many real woodland creatures out of their homes. These elves are and should be methodically hunted down and erradicated for the vermon that they are. I think Nabisco even found a use for them as a form of cheap slave labor for their snack foods division. When the elves see their numbers being thinned, they gang up together and strike back. It is actually a common problem with cartoons of many forms. Most people don't even realize they have angered the things. Because it is so hard to pencil in good clothing, the elves have taken to killing squirrels and other small animals to make their outfits. When seen in the road by the average driver, they appear to not be sadistic vengeful elves but just another little critter that went thumpathump underneath the car. Most importantly, it should be made abundantly clear to children to never accept cookies from a Keebler elf. Our latest forensic analysis has shown that the elves have begun to use poisons and other hazardous materials in their cookies. Do not eat these cookies. I've seen people that have had to have their whole body amputated because of some of the things found inside."
TOLD YOU ALL THEY WOULD StRIKE
Rabid Elves Kill Elderly Woman
February 5, 2002
Amrah Myers, 82 year old resident of Irmo South Carolina, was mauled yesterday afternoon. Police have placed the blame on an animated pack of elves known as Keebler. Keebler elf attacks are not very uncommon in the quiet town of Irmo, but an actual death resulting from such an attack is rare. "We've noticed that the little bastards are beginning to hunt in packs and thats not good news.", says Irmo Police Chief Joe Bullnobby, "It only takes 12 to 15 or so to be able to bring a regular sized man down to eye level with them, once you're there you probably won't be getting back up." When pressed for further questions, Bullnobby only responded "no comment".
To recap what we have learned so far about the marauding gang of Keebler elves, we interviewed local Keebler expert Greg Jibson. Jibson says, "While at first glance a typical Keebler elf may seem docile, even friendly, a person must take caution against the animated critters. The problem is, most all of the elves just like to make cookies. They tend to bake them inside trees and while that is not immediately dangerous, it does strain the local ecosystem and forces many real woodland creatures out of their homes. These elves are and should be methodically hunted down and erradicated for the vermon that they are. I think Nabisco even found a use for them as a form of cheap slave labor for their snack foods division. When the elves see their numbers being thinned, they gang up together and strike back. It is actually a common problem with cartoons of many forms. Most people don't even realize they have angered the things. Because it is so hard to pencil in good clothing, the elves have taken to killing squirrels and other small animals to make their outfits. When seen in the road by the average driver, they appear to not be sadistic vengeful elves but just another little critter that went thumpathump underneath the car. Most importantly, it should be made abundantly clear to children to never accept cookies from a Keebler elf. Our latest forensic analysis has shown that the elves have begun to use poisons and other hazardous materials in their cookies. Do not eat these cookies. I've seen people that have had to have their whole body amputated because of some of the things found inside."
TOLD YOU ALL THEY WOULD StRIKE