Everything's Bigger in Texas: Houston Expansion [Archive]

C-Lo

09-19-2009, 12:52 AM

It’s amazing how quickly the tide can turn. It was just 2 weeks ago, I got fired from my job at the factory. Two years before that, I suffered an injury that ultimately ended my career in baseball. I was a career minor leaguer, and that injury forced me to leave the game at 32. Some have asked me why I stayed so long, and if you really love something as much as I do the game of baseball, then it is hard to just walk away. This would be different though, I hoped.
It was another morning, just like any other. I crawled out of bed, and stumbled to the bathroom. Shower, and a shave, just like most mornings. I was going to head out bright and early and start the job hunt again. I walked into the kitchen and made myself a nice breakfast. A breakfast omelet. Sausage, honey smoked ham, bell pepper, onion, bacon, jalapeño, and cheese. I took my breakfast to the table, and started to eat. Then my phone rang.
I picked up the phone after putting a bite in my mouth.

“Hello?”

Shortly after I spoke, the man on the other end of the line let out a nice burp right in my ear. I almost hung up on him right there.

“Well excuse me…” The man sounded rather aged. Somewhere in his 50’s. He had a deep, scratchy voice. “Is this uh… Is this Christopher?”

Who was this man asking about me? Before I got fired I paid all my bills, so it can’t be that. It was almost scary… did someone in the family die? I had to know who this man was, so I asked. “Can I ask who it is I am speaking with?”

I guess that was the wrong question because it didn’t sit too well with him. “Look you young *******! It doesn’t matter who I am in. All that matters is if this is Christopher Kelly, or not. If you don’t answer in about 5 seconds, you won’t hear from me again!”

Now not only am I curious, but I was getting a bit angry too. “You’ve said enough now you old prick. I don’t know who –“

“Prick!? Now I know it is you.” After that there was a moment of silence. Obviously he had a large ego, and I knew I had a pretty big ego myself. It was kind of awkward. That kind of awkward where you and your girlfriend’s family are eating dinner and you let out a big fart just in the middle of dinner while everyone is in the middle of conversation. He continued though. “Look you young, cocky, overeager, self-centered dick. I don’t know who you think you are, and obviously you don’t know who I am, but I like you.”

He was quiet for a few seconds, so I figured he was waiting for me to speak. “Well sir, you wa-“

“Don’t interrupt me, jackass.” It’s amazing how quickly one can help you change your mood. I went from enjoying my day, eating my breakfast, to talking to this ass hole. I was now enraged. “As I was saying…I am prepared to offer you a job as the General Manager of the soon to be Houston Colt .45’s franchise. Oh, and now you may speak.”

With the excitement of the beginning, I completely ignored the ending statement. “Well, mister…?”

I just stared down at my breakfast, now assumed to be cold. He never gave me his name; I didn’t know what to address him by.

“I’ll introduce myself at our next meeting. Be at the entrance of the Alamo at 2.00PM sharp. If you’re not there at two, you will be s***canned before you ever get hired.”

I didn’t even have to think about it. I was just in absolute awe. “Uhh, ye, ye, ye, umm, yeah. I’ll uhh, I’ll, I’ll be there.”

It was just amazing. I really hadn’t even begun to process the impact that this could have on my life. Me, a man in love with the game of baseball was getting the shot to shape the roster of a real major league team. It was just absolutely shocking to me.

I went out to the backyard and took a seat on one of the chairs. I just had to get some fresh air after that call. The aggravation I went through was nothing like the reward I got for what just seemed like enduring. The air was nice. A little sticky though. Just your normal, average, hot, humid, Texas day. I wasn’t out there but about 5 minutes before I started sweating. I thought to myself for a moment. I sure am glad I’ll get to be in a nice suite during the games. This weather is just too hot to be on the field day in, and day out.

My phone rang about an hour after the mystery man called me. I wasn’t sure before if this was real or not, but now I was pretty sure. “Before we even start talking, I’d like to know who this is.”

There was a bit of static coming through on the other end, perhaps a radio. “Sure thing, pal. My name is Robert Johnson, but everyone calls me Robby. I just thought I’d welcome you to the team.”

I still hadn’t grasped the situation completely. “What team is that Robby?”

He came through on the other end with a little giggle. His voice was kind of high pitched. He talked in something a little louder than a whisper. He seemed like he was the shy type, and his laugh reflected that completely. “The team that is the process of being added to major league baseball, silly. I just got done talking to Bill a few minutes ago, and he told me to call you, since he just hired you as GM.”

Bill? “Does Bill have a rather deep voice? Kind of scratchy?” I asked almost in a hysterical tone. I couldn’t believe this was really happening.

“Yeah, that would be Bill. He’s a real ass hole isn’t he?” Apparently Robby and Bill were far different people. I called Bill a prick and he exploded, I can only imagine what ass hole would do to him.

I wasn’t sure whether to laugh here or what. I didn’t know how close he and Bill were. I didn’t want him going to tell on me now, so I lied. “Nah,” I said, trying to hide the lie, which was rather hard, because I hate lying, but this was one of those times that I felt it needed to be done. “He isn’t too bad. I don’t know if our two egos are going to be to get along in the long run, but he didn’t seem like such a bad fellow, I guess.”

After that statement he just broke out laughing. After what seemed like a few minutes he coughed a few times to clear his throat, I suppose. “That’s bull. That’s such bull I can smell it through the phone. He is such a hard ass. He pisses everyone off, and I mean everyone. That’s neither here nor there though. I just wanted to call you to welcome you to the organization, really. We will be staying in touch.”

Before I could say bye, he hung up. However, I didn’t really care. I was no longer living the life of wondering if I was going to be able to support myself for another week. I knew I now had a job that would pay very well, and it was in the game that I loved.

All seemed to be going well, but when you got a boss like Bill, if I can even call him that at this moment, then it can all go bad not in a matter of days, but minutes. I guess only time will tell how this will turn out. Maybe the ‘orientation’ tomorrow determines where I stand in ‘the bosses’ good graces.