English Guru's help please

[TheNamelessPoet]

I would love the opportunity to expand my knowledge and learn dispatch. I feel it would greatly help myself to know more about the dispatch process, and there is no better way to learn than by doing. As it has been noted, I have put in for a Team Lead position and will eventually put in for a Team Supervisor once my knowledge base is vast enough. Knowing the intricacies of each department and the entire process flow from the first customer call to the closing of the order, can not only speed along the process, but make for less errors in the process and in the communication to the field.
I need help with the last sentence... It is too many thoughts, creating too many comma's and making it a GIANT run-on.

I am trying to get my foot in to another department and learn more "stuff" One thing I have found is that the more you know, the more questions people ask you... and my supervisor sees that as I sit right next to him. :D
I have had sooooooo many oppertunities in this place in 3.5 years. I am trying to push it to that Team lead (1 step below supervisor) position but I am still "underqualified" by all standards (due to lack of service time) but my Supervisior is trying to push me bumping up 1 level, which is 1 below lead :D

Now that I have rambled... lol someone help me with this line please if you can :D I do need to submit it in the next 3-4 hours tho

[200tang]

Helping you what? Understand what it means?

[BINGLEBOP]

I don't really think it's that long at all, and it's not the typical run-on sentence. It sounds well-written, so obviously you didn't write it. :cool:


Knowing the intricacies of each department and the entire process flow from the first customer call to the closing of the order[,] (remove this comma) can not ("Cannot" is more common than "can not". Usually, you use "can not" when the "not" is part of another construction like "not only".) only speed along the process, but make for less errors in the process and in the communication to the field (this isn't a sentence, so to keep it separated with the comma, I'd change it to something like "but it also minimizes errors in the process...".

I would have it read:


Knowing the intricacies of each department and the entire process flow from the first customer call to the closing of the order cannot only speed along the process, but it also minimizes errors in the process and communication to the field. By the way, the Braves suck.

You can leave out the last sentence if you want, but it's an option to include it if you wish.

[gRYFYN1]

Knowing the intricacies of each department and the entire process flow, not only speeds along the process, but makes for less errors and better communication to the field.



Id probably phrase it like that. I dont think its necessary to define what the whole process is (first customer call to the closing of the order), unless you are concerned that the knowleged of such is something they are unsure how familiar you are.

By removing the can from the second part not only tightens up the line, but seems more forceful and sure of your feelings on the subjuect.


I don't think its needed to repeat in the process

[TheNamelessPoet]

due to what goes on in this place and how they talk about the process of everything I think the second in the process is needed lol. Errors (not in a process) are generaly linked to our actual system we work on, not so much on the people lol.



I would love the opportunity to expand my knowledge and learn dispatch. I feel it would greatly help myself to know more about the dispatch process, and there is no better way to learn than by doing. As it has been noted, I have put in for a Team Lead position and will eventually put in for a Team Supervisor once my knowledge base is vast enough. Knowing the intricacies of each department and the entire process flow from the first customer call to the closing of the order can not only speed along the process, but it also creates less errors in the process and communications to the field.
And ask Rage bingle... when its something important... i can write... when It comes to work... that stuff is done right :D

[TheNamelessPoet]

Thank you btw guys :D
It wont get me a raise... but it give me one more thing I can bring to my supervisor when it my time to get promoted :D I may not have the time in this place to be a Lead... but DAMN I have the knowledge :D
I want to be running this dump

[BINGLEBOP]

Thank you btw guys :D
It wont get me a raise... but it give me one more thing I can bring to my supervisor when it my time to get promoted :D I may not have the time in this place to be a Lead... but DAMN I have the knowledge :D
I want to be running this dump

Well, when that time comes, remember to give us a cut for helping you out. I'll take 7.16%.

[BenFink]

I'll take a meager 4.2% for not insulting your grammar and spelling at every step throughout this whole process.

[200tang]

I'll take 88.64% for being better than you at stuff.

[BINGLEBOP]

All in all, this is a great deal for you TNP. Other forums would charge you twice what we do.

[TheNamelessPoet]

All in all, this is a great deal for you TNP. Other forums would charge you twice what we do.

this is very true...

good think this wont get me a raise :D id be owing more than I would be getting